I’ll confess: the holidays make me twitchy and stressed. I have an intense disliking of most of the trappings of Christmas. Add to that that I am not religious in the slightest so the holidays are just a cultural celebration for me anyway. I don’t go to church, I don’t eat turkey, and I never bother getting a tree or decorating the apartment. And let’s face it; family gatherings can be stressful as heck.
This year I was determined to avoid Christmas at all costs. “I’m cancelling Christmas!”, I exclaimed. Of course, I struggled with what this would actually entail. What I really wanted to cancel was all the holiday stress, and the accumulation of more “stuff”. I resolved to not participate in holiday gifting – not buying nor receiving presents – and also to cut back on the intensity of holiday gatherings.
This experiment was a great success with my dad and stepmum; we wanted to do something fun together instead of buying more stuff. So about a week before Christmas, we (my parents, partner and I) went to a nature spa in the Gatineau hills. We spent the morning relaxing together in the spa’s sauna, steam room, and outdoor hot tub, dashing in and out of icy waterfalls and pools (brr!), and sitting around drinking tea in our bathrobes in the relaxation room. It was a wonderful morning, a nice way to spend time together, and a collective gift to relax and remove some of the holiday stress.
On the other hand, my mother was not too keen on my enthusiasm to avoid Christmas. The no-gifts thing didn’t really fly with her; she loves to shop and loves buying presents for people. “You’re depriving me of joy!”, she lamented. And truthfully, it was difficult for me too. I definitely inherited my mom’s shopping gene, and I do love to give people presents (though I hate doing it because the calendar tells me to, as with Christmas). I ended up still doing it in a round-about way, bringing bottles of wine and flowers to Christmas dinner, and buying gas for my brother who made the long journey for the family holiday. And, I made a donation to a literacy foundation in honour of my mother’s love of reading, something I have always been so grateful that she passed onto me. But somehow this felt more relaxed; I was giving people consumables in a specific context, nothing had to be wrapped, and it was more spontaneous.
My mother surprised me too. As my partner and I left her house after Christmas dinner, she thrust two gift bags into our hands. We opened them when we got home. In my partner’s bag was an IOU for some of mom’s amazingly delicious homemade butternut squash soup. In mine, a subscription for Body + Soul magazine (from one magazine addict to another). And, she had made a donation to World Vision for each of us that would buy medical supplies in impoverished countries. This really touched me.
See, this is what I was going for when I wanted to avoid all the crazy, overblown, shiny pile of wrapping, gifting overload. Thoughtful gifts that fill a need, not just more stuff that takes up space. Soup to nurture the body and soul, a donation to those who need it so much more than we do, flowers to brighten up a home, gas to help a loved one make the trip, and of course, the gift of just spending time together. Not buying stuff because I feel like I have to because the calendar says so, not going down a list and trying to think of stuff that people need when they really don’t need anything. Not feeling stressed by a pile of shopping and wrapping and travelling and cooking and and and and.
Less stuff. More love. That’s my new holiday motto.
It sounds like you had and amazing Christmas which really represented who you are and what you believe!
Thanks, yeah, it really felt like things were moving in that direction. It’s hard to re-wire traditions sometimes, but the awkwardness of the transition is worth it, imo.